The Diary of a Secret Tory MP: (Almost!) True Stories from the Heart of British Politics

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The Diary of a Secret Tory MP: (Almost!) True Stories from the Heart of British Politics

The Diary of a Secret Tory MP: (Almost!) True Stories from the Heart of British Politics

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All my mates back home were really clever and sharp, and working behind a till; all they’d need to do is move to London and they would be earning six figures. I went to London completely braced, thinking, ‘Everyone is really switched on and really fast and sharp,’ and I got there and thought, ‘Everyone’s just the same as the people I know back home, maybe not as funny, but they’re doing much more interesting stuff. The one objective is to destroy the Tories; amplify their ludicrous behaviour and turn it into comedy by making it grotesque. I’d always thought [about politicians]: ‘There are some bad apples but largely they are trying to make the world a better place.

I chose a gym in north London, picked up a load of clients straight away and suddenly I was mixing with all these illustrious people.True Stories from the Heart of British Politics, which is really sprightly, droll and powered by deep disillusionment. Join the mystery MP as he drunk-texts Liz Truss after a crate of WKD, accompanies Jacob Rees-Mogg (and his kids) to picket a foodbank, takes on the French in the ‘Trawler Wars’, and euthanises Rishi Sunak’s dog – and that’s just October. The anchor didn’t really know what to make of him – what is this regular person doing inside the commentariat? My dad is very clever, he has a lot of varied interests, both my parents have, which they seem to have passed on to me.

Since its inception in 2019, the account – which now has nearly 200,000 followers – has been the focus of magnetised speculation: “Retired anonymous Conservative MP, part-time arms dealer” was how he described himself, though everyone knew that wasn’t real-real. It was through Abbey Shakespeare Players that he met his wife in his early 20s, but “I was a bit wild at the time, getting into all sorts of scrapes, so she wasn’t having anything to do with me then.With a front-row seat on the, erm, backbenches, the Secret Tory MP has picked up on all the petty rivalries, bad decision-making and scandalous affairs that Whitehall has to offer.

He is still personal training (remotely), chopping logs, learning Welsh and working on a sitcom idea. They currently hold the Conservative Party conference 'WKD Blue Challenge' title, after decimating Ken Clarke's infamous seven bottle record which had stood for thirteen years.He arrived in London as a guy who could run 110 miles without stopping, “over the Cleveland hills as well; there’s more ascent in it than Everest”, and became a personal trainer.

Morris started masquerading, too, as the Papua New Guinea Courier’s UK correspondent, and those columns – an outsider’s dry amusement cut with the howling indignation of the real UK citizen having to live through this clown show – are some of my favourite chronicles of our dark times. Join the mystery MP as he drunk-texts Liz Truss after a crate of WKD, accompanies Jacob Rees-Mogg (and his kids) to picket a foodbank, takes on the French in the 'Trawler Wars', and euthanises Rishi Sunak's dog - and that's just October. And we had these baronesses, lords and millionaires coming in and out, really getting off on talking to people with accents. The bestselling Diary of a Secret Tory MP lifts the lid on one of the biggest periods of upheaval in recent memory (certainly since Nick Clegg broke George Osbourne's printer at the treasury) - the last twelve months of British politics. Maybe I’m being unfair, but she looks at him as if he is sort of unpredictable and unsanitary, like a bird in an airport.From the outside, it’s quite funny, a journalist driving six hours from London to come back with a lot of wrong details and some quotes from neighbours about how nice Morris is. The 2019 Conservative MPs are self-interested, they’re corrupt, they’re mean-spirited, largely stupid and, as far as I can tell, filling their helicopters and firing up the shredders before they get booted out at the next election. As his personal training business grew, he was working at a gym with two friends who “were also reformed characters; they’d been in even more scrapes than I had when I was younger. A modern day polymath, they enjoy bloodsports, destabilising liberal democracy and several non-executive directorships, including one at Southern Water where they claim to have been responsible for over three-hundred beach closures in 2022 alone. The Secret Tory reached the end of its natural life, but there is more to come, I feel certain; Morris is not a man who goes home before he has achieved his objective.



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